Derek Holland & Karma
Sunday, Derek Holland gave up seven runs in just under seven innings, in what turned out to be his twelfth victory of the season. During the game, someone used Derek Holland’s Twitter account to reply to a critical Tweet about Holland’s performance with “ur a fag.” Derek Holland claimed he got hacked.
Now, maybe he did get hacked. Maybe there’s a Ranger-hating computer super-genius who cracked Holland’s password and gained unfettered access to Holland’s Twitter. At which point he… sent one tweet defending Holland with a slur, and then did nothing further. What an enigmatic, homophobic hack!
However, since 99% of all “hacked Twitter” stories are patently false (ask Anthony Weiner, or Ray Allen), it’s more likely that Holland or his fiancee (the only other person with the password) made the Tweet and then denied it. Much, much more likely.
How did the baseball gods feel about this? Well, when Derek Holland entered the game in the bottom of the 4th in Wednesday’s do-or-die game with the A’s, the Rangers were clinging to a 5-3 lead. Holland got two outs, then Coco Crisp hacked Holland’s curveball and hit a two-run double to right. Stephen Drew walked, and when Yoenis Cespedes popped to shallow center, it looked like Holland was going to get away with his recklessness, once again.
But Josh Hamilton overran the ball, or lost it in the sun, or the baseball gods reached down and nudged it off the hell of his glove, and an inning-ending pop-up became a two-run error. Holland trudged off the field down 7-5, and one can only imagine the slurs he hurled at Hamilton in the dugout. Holland was the losing pitcher, the Rangers lost the AL West, and while baseball is still investigating Holland’s Twitter activity, the baseball gods have already delivered their verdict. Don’t be a homophobe.
How They Spent Their Night Off
The World Series was postponed due to rain last night. How did everyone spend their day off?
Josh Hamilton: Don’t ask him about that.
Rally Squirrel: Went nuts.
Tony La Russa: Went out to dinner with Albert Pujols and Allen Craig. First, Tony ordered the pasta primavera for everyone, but when they brought it out, he claimed he asked for gnocchi, and the waiter’s pen had malfunctioned. The gnocchi hadn’t been warmed up yet, so Tony ordered garlic bread as an appetizer. Before the hungry Pujols could dig in, La Russa ordered Craig to take restaurant silverware, and put it in his jacket. The maitre’d caught Craig stealing, and all three cardinals were thrown out of the restaurant. A crestfallen Pujols nevertheless refused to blame La Russa for “taking the fork out of his hands.”
Mike Napoli: Ate all the food the Cardinals left behind at the restaurant.
Lance Berkman: Laid back on the couch like a big, fat pig and watched a movie.
Michael Young: Tried to help straighten out his house, but his wife noticed him reading old newspapers instead of recycling them, He also got distracted midway through mopping the kitchen, and started playing video games instead. Eventually, his wife - but not Ron Washington - decided that Young simply wasn’t suited to cleanup.
David Freese: Chilled out.
Ron Washington: Double-checked his Game Six lineup card - and his hairstyle - with Little Ron Washington.
Game 5 by the Numbers
Allen Craig minor league stolen bases: 14 (in 517 games)
Allen Craig stolen bases major league stolen bases: 5 (119 games)
Allen Craig post-season stolen base attempts before tonight: 0
Allen Craig stolen base attempts tonight: 2
Years since a player was thrown out stealing twice in one World Series game: 56
Times Albert Pujols was batting when Allen Craig was thrown out: 2
Number of home runs Albert Pujols hit two nights ago: 3
Chance that Allen Craig scores from second base on a home run: 100%
Chance that Allen Craig scores from first base on a home run: 100%
Number of times Tony La Russa has changed relievers to get the platoon advantage: 287,000 (approximation)
Increase in Mike Napoli’s OPS vs. left-handed pitchers: 113 points
Number of St. Louis pitchers in the eighth inning: 4
Number of working phones in the St. Louis bullpen: 0
Likelihood that a person would confuse the names “Motte” and “Lynn” over the phone: 2%