Sportscentr readers in the River City take note: I will be opening for Ari Shaffir all weekend at the Sacramento Punch Line. Shows are 8 PM Thursday, 8/10 Friday-Saturday, and at 7 PM on Sunday night. Get your tickets here.
In exchange for that blatant self-promotion, here is a Sacramento-specific sports joke:
What do you call a bath product that demands you build a new shower for it, then threatens to relocate to a different bathtub, and loves to gamble? A Maloofah.
Are you dreading a night with no playoff baseball? Are you distraught, unsure of how you’ll get through Friday night without watching Tony La Russa change pitchers even once? Does your entire evening plan consist of downing Bud Lights all night, and pausing to sing “God Bless America” after the seventh one?
If that’s you - and you live in the Los Angeles area - you should come to The Business, Friday at 8PM at the Nerdist Theater. Featuring special guests Brendon Walsh and Beth Stelling, and starring the rest of the members of The Business, San Francisco’s finest alternative comedy showcase (including myself). If that’s not enough, I’ll even work the word “Yorvit” into my set.
The Nerdist Theater is located in the back of Meltdown Comics on Sunset Boulevard. Red Sox fans should be aware that you can bring in fried chicken if you want, but not beer. Buy tickets here - it’s an even better value than one of C.J. Wilson’s titanium necklaces.
Greetings from Sacramento, where the players may be locked out, but not the mascots.
The Giants and Athletics renew their inter-league hostilities in just one hour! In honor of inter-league play, our nation’s finest baseball tradition, here’s a video where I explain the difference between seeing a game in Oakland and San Francisco.
Non-sports content here, but today you can read an interview with your author at the Broke-Ass Stuart website. An excerpt:
What do you do during downtime?
I spend a lot of time thinking of new offshoots for the Broke-Ass Stuart brand. For example:
Broke-Ass Stuart Little (cheap deals for mice)
Bloke-Ass Stuart (activities for the 19th century British gentleman)
Broke-Back Stuart (cheap jokes from 2005)
Someone said we’d always remember where we were when we heard about Bin Laden’s death. Well, I was watching ESPN, which made it especially surreal. How would SportsCenter have covered the story? I think it would have gone a little something like…this.
Sports-related stand-up comedy content!
For any SportsCentr readers in the Los Angeles area, I will be performing at the Improv Lab in Hollywood (8162 Melrose Ave) tomorrow night, April 29th, at 10:30 PM. We’re taking our acclaimed alternative comedy showcase from San Francisco to Los Angeles for the first time, and welcoming special guest Baron Vaughn (“Awkward Kings of Comedy,” “Fairly Legal”). Tickets are just five bucks, and there will be door prizes as well.
We hope this is the first of many visits to the City of Angels, and tomorrow’s your chance to get in on the ground floor. The more the merrier, especially since if we don’t sell enough tickets, Major League Baseball has threatened to seize control of our operations. Hope to see you there.
Attention, SportsCentr readers in the Portland area! I’ll be performing at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival from April 21-24. The schedule of shows hasn’t come out yet, so all I know is that I’ll be crashing with my friend Greg. He’s usually pretty busy with work, but I guess he’s got a lot of free time this year.
I’ll also be headed to Los Angeles the following weekend, for a Friday night show on April 29th at the Improv Lab in Hollywood. Not sure where I’m going to stay down there - Juan Uribe responds to all my texts with “POWW!” and nothing else.
In honor of the Oakland Athletics and their home opener tonight, here is a clip of me making fun of them.
Here’s my take on why the city of San Francisco fell in love with the World Series champs so hard.
San Francisco loved the 2010 Giants because they had something for every part of the city.
(Recorded at the Punch Line, 11/21/10)
