Look, there’s a reason they don’t call him “Pat the Legs.”
SportsCentr
A tumblr about all things sports. Except for tumbling.
By SF comedian Sean Keane.
I also blog at:
Sean Keane Comedy
NBA Off-Season
MLB Off-Season
NFL Off-Season
The World's Game
And my web series is "Elevator To Space"
By SF comedian Sean Keane.
I also blog at:
Sean Keane Comedy
NBA Off-Season
MLB Off-Season
NFL Off-Season
The World's Game
And my web series is "Elevator To Space"
College buddies Pat Burrell and Aubrey Huff will be back drinking Bud Lights and wearing thongs for one more season in SF. It won’t be official before Friday, but Pat the Bat isn’t going anywhere. And I’m sure he doesn’t mind that he outlasted Billy Wagner by at least one season.
The Cable Car I’d Want to Ride In
Aubrey Huff and Pat Burrell, former college roommates, are riding in the same cable car. Huff is waving the famous Rally Thong while Burrell is wearing what appears to be a dress shirt under a t-shirt. Burrell is also pounding Bud Lights and completely ignoring anyone with a microphone.
Election Day FAQ for Giants Fans
In all the excitement over San Francisco’s first-ever World Series title, coupled today’s General Election, a lot of Giants fans are hung over, disoriented, and confused about what to do today. As a public service, here’s a guide to some Frequently Asked Questions from SF fans.
Do I still need to vote?
Yes.
But I was watching last night. Isn’t Brian Wilson the governor now?
No, he isn’t.
Can I vote for him?
He’s not even running. You’d have to write his name in, but — look, Brian Wilson is not going to be the governor.
No one said the Giants could beat the Phillies, either! Who else is running?
It’s Meg Whitman versus Jerry Brown.
Which one has a beard?
Neither.
Who’s closer?
I guess Meg Whitman.
Is Barbara Bush running?
No. Are you thinking of Senator Barbara Boxer? Because she is running for re-election.
Hope you got a nice view of Madison Bumgarner’s slider from behind home plate, bitch! Let’s go Giants! (Clap clap clap-clap-clap)
I don’t know what to say.
OK, what else is on the ballot?
There’s Proposition 19, which would allow for the decriminalization and taxation of marijuana.
Let Timmy smoke!
Right, and the measure would also…
Let Timmy smoke!
That’s not really a question.
He totally smoked those Texas hitters last night, bro!
There’s also Prop. 20, which would change the way that congressional districts are drawn up. It’s supposed to take power away from the established political machines.
The Machine! Dude, did you see when Brian Wilson had The Machine walk out behind him in leather gear during that interview?
Yes.
Do you think that was Pat Burrell?
I…I don’t care.
Is Gavin Neukom running?
Gavin Newsom is running for lieutenant governor, yes.
It’s Neukom, dude! He’s the owner’s son.
He is not. He’s the mayor of San Francisco.
San Francisco! Wooo! Suck it, Arlington!
Seriously, the polls close in five hours. You should put some pants on, maybe drink some water, and go vote.
OK. I’m definitely gonna vote.
Good!
…For Buster Posey to start the motherfuckin’ All-Star Game! We want some Posey! We want some Posey!
I should go.
Did you know that’s an N.W.A. song?
Yes, you’re singing that to the tune of — is that — are you wearing a thong? With a panda head on the front?
My beard’s not the only thing I dyed black, bro.
You know what? Maybe you should sit this election out. Watch some tape, get your swing back. I’ll see you at the parade.
In the end, the Rays were undone by their inability to hit left-handed pitching. Here, DH-of-last-resort Dan Johnson gets his bat sawed in half by Cliff Lee. Johnson popped out and struck out against Lee, then Joe Maddon pinch-hit the right-handed Willy Aybar for him. Aybar struck out, too.
For want of better options, Carlos Pena had to start against Cliff Lee twice; he struck out in six of his seven plate appearances. If only the Rays had a right-handed DH! Someone with home-run power, a flair for game-changing hits, and a rhyming nickname, perhaps someone whose salary the Rays were already paying. But they released Pat Burrell in May, and it’s not like he would contribute in the playoffs. Right?
Pat Burrell Question
If you hit a three-run home run off a guy named Hanson, does that make you an mmmbopper?
My favorite thing about Pat Burrell is that even after playing ball for hours, wearing a batting helmet, and enduring the frenetic congratulations of Aubrey Huff, his hair still never moves.
Actually, my favorite thing is all the home runs. But the hair is my second-favorite.
(Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
Pat Burrell hits a walkoff sacrifice fly in the 11th inning at Jerry Garcia Tribute Night against the Cubs.
Lately it occurs to him
What a long, strange game it’s been
(AP Photo/Ben Margot)
Filed under: sf giants pat burrell
If they designated a Pulitzer Prize solely for photos of baseball players dropping f-bombs as they slam their bats to the ground, Carlos Avila Gonzalez of the Chronicle and his picture of Pat Burrell would be the clear front-runner for 2010.
