SportsCentr

Romans Schmomans

It is always confusing when a sportswriter refers to a Super Bowl by number alone, expecting everyone to intuitively remember that the NFL championship game from February 2008 is Super Bowl XLII. You know, just take the current year, mentally subtract 1966, convert to Roman numerals, and there you have it. Completely intuitive.

Bill Simmons is easily the worst offender in this regard, though you can assume that any Super Bowl he mentions is one the Patriots played in, so you only have five choices. But even the famed VP of Common Sense would endorse this idea:

Use the Arabic numeral

Here’s what you need to know Roman numerals for:

• Watches (1-12)
• Monarchs & Popes. There have been 11 King Edwards in England, and 23 Pope Johns, so if you’re a theology student or royal family enthusiast, you might need them. Actually, just stop being either of those things. You’ll be much happier.
• Reading the production year of film in the 2-3 seconds it appears in the credits (irrelevant, IMDB exists)
• Book volume and chapter numbers (OK, bookworm, knock yourself out)

Literally the only reason you ever have to count above 20 in Roman numerals is because of the Super Bowl. No, perverts, “XXX” almost never means 30. The NFL officially uses Roman numerals? Good for them, but you know who stopped using Roman numerals back in the 14 century? The Romans.

Unless a member of the Caesar family is editing your publication, feel free to just call this Pats-Giants game “Super Bowl 46.” If not for the readers, do it for the players. Given all that we’ve learned about the effects of concussions, do we need to confuse these guys even more?

Better yet, just write “The 2012 Super Bowl.” Every other sporting event uses the year. The Olympics have Roman numerals, but they’re really described by year or city. Currently, the phrase “Games of the Nth Olympiad” only exists in order to make Bob Costas sound even more pretentious than usual. If you are used to the old format, feel free to go with “Super Bowl 2012” - if it’s good enough for Death Race 2000, it’s good enough for NFC vs. AFC.