Sportscentr readers in the River City take note: I will be opening for Ari Shaffir all weekend at the Sacramento Punch Line. Shows are 8 PM Thursday, 8/10 Friday-Saturday, and at 7 PM on Sunday night. Get your tickets here.
In exchange for that blatant self-promotion, here is a Sacramento-specific sports joke:
What do you call a bath product that demands you build a new shower for it, then threatens to relocate to a different bathtub, and loves to gamble? A Maloofah.