SportsCentr

"Motivation is for kindergartners. I’m not a kindergartner. Sending somebody home, that’s like, ‘Oh,..."

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:38:51 -0500

“Motivation is for kindergartners. I’m not a kindergartner. Sending somebody home, that’s like, ‘Oh, you’re expelled,’ and come back and make good grades. Get that (expletive) out of here. That’s ridiculous.”

- More Adalius Thomas, who is nobody’s kindergartner.

"You can’t run people over getting to work, so there ain’t nothing to really apologize (for). I..."

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:34:35 -0500

“You can’t run people over getting to work, so there ain’t nothing to really apologize (for). I didn’t try to be late. (There are) cars sitting in the road, you’re sitting there. It’s not the Jetsons. I can’t jump up and just fly. What am I supposed to do?”

- Adalius Thomas, not apologizing for being late to practice. He ain’t got no flying shoes.

Bonds' agent concedes slugger's playing days are over

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:37:37 -0500

Bonds' agent concedes slugger's playing days are over :

sfgiantsbay:

(via fuckyeahsfgiants)

But he still says he’s not retired.

It took Rickey almost four years to officially announce his retirement, so by the established standards of Hall of Fame Bay Area outfielders, Bonds has plenty of time to make his decision.

jaysonvooyrhees: from game 3 of the NLCS. lol what? Frank:...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:19:37 -0500

jaysonvooyrhees:

from game 3 of the NLCS. lol what?

Frank: What’s a power bottom?
Mac: A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Dennis: Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See a power bottom’s actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
Frank: Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I’ve heard that speed has something to do with it.
Dennis: Speed has everything to do with it. You see the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he’s supposed to apply. Speed’s the name of the game. Right buddy?

Mark Teahen just signed a three-year contract with the White...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:55:50 -0500

Mark Teahen just signed a three-year contract with the White Sox. All statistical analysis aside, it’s a bad sign when you sign a guy long-term, and the best file photo the AP can find shows him popping up.

For whatever reason, Phillies done with Myers

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:37:16 -0500

For whatever reason, Phillies done with Myers:

There’s a simple, consistent rule in sports: If a player gets so drunk that he falls down on his driveway and seriously injures himself, he will be playing for a new team next year. That was true for Brian Griese, and it’s going to be true for Brett Myers, especially after he lied about how he got hurt, and actually, maybe he got punched in a bar fight in Jacksonville. RELEASED!

(Also, it didn’t help that Myers picked a fight with the team’s best young pitcher, in front of reporters, during the World Series.)

The Life of Michael Tucker

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:07:47 -0500

diamondleung:

“Michael Tucker, who hasn’t played in majors since 2006, is here in Indy. I’m told he still wants to play.”

—Twitter / Jerry Crasnick: Blast from the past: Micha …

(SCENE: Michael Tucker’s ex-girlfriend’s house. There’s a knock on the door. Michael Tucker’s ex-girlfriend opens the door to reveal… Michael Tucker, holding a bouquet of weeds, wrapped in an old newspaper.)

MICHAEL TUCKER’S EX-GIRLFRIEND: Michael! What are you doing here?

MICHAEL TUCKER: Hey baby. You look great. Can I come in?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Look, I haven’t seen you since…

MICHAEL TUCKER: 2006. But I’m back, baby! I know, it’s been a while, but I want you to know, I’m still interested in playing.

EX-GIRLFRIEND: Um…

MICHAEL TUCKER: If you know what I’m saying!

EX-GIRLFRIEND: I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ve moved on. And honestly, you weren’t that great three years ago.

MICHAEL TUCKER: What do you mean, girl? Remember those good times we had in New York? And San Francisco? And even Philadelphia?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: Michael, I hate to say it, but you were a below-average boyfriend. Since at least 2004, if not 2001. I want a powerful man, or someone younger, or at least one who can handle more difficult positions.

MICHAEL TUCKER: But what about all my intangibles, girl?

EX-GIRLFRIEND: Besides, you’re filthy. Your clothes are ripped… have you been living on the streets?

MICHAEL TUCKER: I’ve been playing for the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs!

EX-GIRLFRIEND: That’s even worse! I’m sorry, Michael. But it’s over. (She closes the door.)

MICHAEL TUCKER: Come on, baby! Don’t be like that! At least let me borrow your phone so I can call Brian Sabean!

Ivan Rodgriguez signs with the Nationals

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:43:00 -0500

Ivan Rodgriguez signs with the Nationals:

With a two-year deal, Pudge retains an outside shot at 3,000 hits. However, the signing will probably have more impact on ironic jersey sales than actual wins and losses.

Desmond DeChone Figgins to sign with Seattle

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:55:39 -0500

Desmond DeChone Figgins to sign with Seattle:

This may shift the balance of power in the AL West; it all depends if new Angels third baseman Brandon Wood spent any time hanging out with Dallas McPherson in the minors. The important thing is that Seattle’s 40-man roster now contains a Sean, a Shawn, and a Chone. There are no Shauns available in free agency, but if Shaun Marcum has recovered from Tommy John surgery, the Mariners should make a deal.

If that’s not enough Sean action for Seattle, DeSean Jackson was a pretty good high-school outfielder. Maybe he’s sick of concussions and wants to try a new sport…

Kissing Suzy Kolber: THIS GUY IS A PLAYER!

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:22:49 -0500

Kissing Suzy Kolber: THIS GUY IS A PLAYER!:

Delivery Boy: Uh… that’s gonna be twenty dollars.

Gruden: (takes out twenty) Now THIS GUY.. Andrew Jackson! OLD HICKORY is what they used to call him! Because when you put THIS GUY, OLD HICKORY, in charge of the Tennessee Militia during the creek war… THIS GUY OLD HICKORY IS GONNA GET YOU SOME SCALPS!

Jaws: (jet engine loud) It’s what. We. Talked. About. Earlier. MASSACRE. DISCIPLINE. The beheadings! The flayings! The disembowelings. PREPARATION. That’s what we talk about when we talk about Andrew OLD HICKORY Jackson.

Dwight Howard spits on the ball?

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:55:47 -0500

Dwight Howard spits on the ball?

Remember when Aaron Rodgers got sacked all the time? And...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:30:29 -0500

Remember when Aaron Rodgers got sacked all the time? And remember when the Ravens used to sack people? None of those things were in evidence last night.

(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

This photo perfectly encapsulates Packers-Ravens. Aaron Rodgers...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:28:11 -0500

This photo perfectly encapsulates Packers-Ravens. Aaron Rodgers is throwing the ball, and there’s a penalty flag.

The best offensive strategy on Monday night was to throw the...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:19:43 -0500

The best offensive strategy on Monday night was to throw the ball deep and wait for a pass interference flag. Baltimore had four infractions; Green Bay only four, and the Packers pulled it out.

Urban Meyer hospitalized for dehydration

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:51:03 -0500

Urban Meyer hospitalized for dehydration:

Tim Tebow cried, but Urban Meyer just went out and got plastered after the SEC Championship. Like a man!

nbaoffseason: Awwwwwww, bros. Photo by Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:51:56 -0500

nbaoffseason:

Awwwwwww, bros.

Photo by Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE via Getty Images

The Answer may have left Denver, but his legacy of headbands remains.

"I have to coach better. We have to play better, just do a better job."

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:39:10 -0500

“I have to coach better. We have to play better, just do a better job.”

- Bill Belichick, now sounding like Boxer the horse, from Animal Farm

"The Rams."

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 18:09:00 -0500

“The Rams.”

- Chicago Bears DE Alex Brown, on what the difference was in Chicago’s play this Sunday, when they broke their losing streak against St. Louis.

Totally realistic, not-at-all-fake video of “Michael...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:29:00 -0500

Totally realistic, not-at-all-fake video of “Michael Jordan” eating at a cafe in Provo, Utah, flanked by what appear to be Secret Service agents, which means he’s going to play Bryon Russell one-on-one before a D-League game. Because that sounds like something Michael Jordan would do.

SLC Dunk says that it was not Michael Jordan, but rather a “Michael Jordan impersonator,” which basically means, any African-American resident of Utah who doesn’t play for the Jazz. No matter how much trash talking Bryon Russell did, the real Michael Jordan would never play him; he’d just buy Russell’s house and evict him from it, or sleep with his wife.

sfgiantsbay: Day 1 of winter meetings-Giants suite (via...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:31:25 -0500

sfgiantsbay:

Day 1 of winter meetings-Giants suite

(via SFGiants)

“Is Ray Durham totally set on retirement? He is. OK, what about Moises Alou? Hmm, he’s also definitely retired? OK, Plan C. Find me a phone number for Ellis Burks’ agent.”