Sports-themed Halloween Costumes for 2009
(Should have run yesterday but my blog was haunted.)
Charlie Villanueva:
Shave your head, shave off your eyebrows, and remove all your body hair. Overpay for a Pistons jersey. Spend the party hanging out outside and acting as Jason Maxiell’s wingman.
MLB umpire:
Dark glasses, cane, seeing-eye dog, paperback copy of “Ball Four” written in Braille, chest protector. Inspect your children’s Halloween candy, and make them throw a lot of wrapped, fun-sized chocolate bars in the trash, even though they clearly appear to be safe.
Delonte West:
Paint freckles on your face, wear a Cavs jersey, carry a guitar case and as many toy guns as you can strap to your body. Carry a bucket of Popeye’s chicken if you’re feeling romantic.
US Open judge:
Wear all white and carry a paddle. Cut a tennis ball in half and paint it the color of your skin. Attach the tennis ball to your throat with spirit gum. Demand apologies from anyone dressed as a Williams sister.
Andy Reid:
You’ll need a fake mustache, glasses, an Eagles jacket, and a pillow to stuff under your shirt. Demonstrate your grasp of clock management by waiting until 7 PM to buy candy for trick-or-treaters. Until then, look the other way while your adult children living at home hand out heroin to neighboring children. Forbid trick-or-treaters to run.
A-Rod, Centaur:
Get a Yankees jersey and the back half of one of those two-man horse costumes. Stick syringes all over the horse portion of the costume. Don’t trick-or-treat; just lurk creepily outside Derek Jeter’s house all night.
