January 2010
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“I don’t think there’ll be any tears from our champion, Roger...”
– The guy who presents the trophy for the Australian Open title, basically calling Andy Murray a crybaby. He was also retroactively calling Federer a crybaby for last year’s tears. Ah, Australia!
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“People are going to judge you. They threw rocks at Jesus. So what do you think...”
– Stephen Jackson
Goodbye, Cartier Martin →
And hello, Coby Karl!
Stats from last night
Stephen Jackson
30 points, 46 minutes, 12-22 FG, 3-6 3PT, 4R, 4A, 2 steals, 2 blocks
Vladimir Radmanovic
6 points, 18 minutes, 3-6 Fg, 0-2 3PT, 3R, 2A
Raja Bell
DNP-wrist
Nice trade, Warriors!
“I’ve been playing great. I’m going to continue to play great for the team. The...”
– Stephen Jackson, on getting booed at Oracle
there is truth to both...
Vamsi: wow brook's the #9 player in all of fantasy basketball
Sean: and he's #1 in omar's nba-themed sexual fantasies
Brett Favre: Return for another season "extremely... →
Well that settles it. I’m sure this is the last we’ll hear of this story.
Minnesota radio call of the Brett Favre...
WatchFrom the 2007 Pro Bowl: Sean Taylor destroys Brian Moorman on a fake punt attempt.
R.I. P., #21.
Ochocinco wants to kick in the Pro Bowl →
If Pro Bowl coaches are willing to run fake punts with Brian Moorman, and risk getting him annihilated by NFC safeties, they might as well let Ochocino take a kickoff or two. He proved in the preseason that he can blast the ball inside the ten, and with the extra months of practice, he might be booting touchbacks by now.
“I’m trying, I’m trying. Unfortunately, you can’t have a...”
– Larry Ellison, confirming that he’s trying to buy the Warriors.
(via cjbaarde)
Gilbert Arenas suspended for the rest of the... →
nbaoffseason:
At 50 games, this would be the third-longest non-drug suspension in NBA history. Not that the previous infractions were considered worse than what Gilbert did; they just happened earlier in the year, so the “rest of the season” contained more games.
The longest suspensions:
Ron Artest, 73 games: Brawling with fans instead of punching Ben Wallace like he should have
Latrell...
Dave Matthews Band to perform at Citi →
Disgruntled Mets fan Jacob Sirof says, “As if things weren’t going badly enough, THIS happens.”
Midway through the third quarter, “Nantzerdamus,”... →
“I couldn’t find one big enough for my junk.”
– Kevin Mitchell, on why he never wore a cup.
Prediction
Garrett Hartley will never pay for a Hurricane again in his life.
Secret New Orleans Strategy
The Saints gained a strategic advantage over the Vikings before the game even started, by dipping each of the game balls into a large vat of gumbo. The thin layer of butter, pork fat, and okra residue has led to many Minnesota fumbles, and is just one more reason that Sean Payton is considered such an innovative head coach.
willdo:
Best moment of the day so far comes from...
Adrian Peterson scores the least-deserved...
… Since William “The Refrigerator” Perry.
After this game, let no one refer to Peterson as the best running back in the league, unless they’re referring to a fantasy football that awards extra points for fumbles.
Milestone moment
With the Viking-Saints game at halftime, we are only thirty game minutes away from a glorious ten-week stretch where Joe Buck will not announce a single nationally-televised sporting event. He’ll probably show up on “American Idol” just to screw with the country and show off a new set of hair plugs. But until then, we can sleep soundly and watch sports with open ears, thanking...
Reggie Bush's new favorite player?
Adrian Peterson.
Since Joseph Addai fumbled in the second...
New York Jets: 31 plays, 103 yards, one made FG, one missed FG.
Indianapolis Colts: 23 plays, 199 yards, 3 TDs, one FG
(as of mid-4th Quarter)
“Good thing Sanchez has unbelievably large hands.”
– Phil Simms, keeping things homoerotic during the AFC Championship Game.
Chansi Stuckey, Jason Trusnick, Kenyon Coleman,...
Plus first-, second-, third- and fifth-round picks. That’s all it cost the Jets to obtain Braylon Edwards and the Sanchise.
Oakland Prospect Retires to Become a Priest →
Former second-round pick Grant Desme has ended his baseball career because he’d rather be a Catholic priest. All the signs were there for Desme: strong faith, loooked good in a collar, once tried to molest a bat boy, etc. Billy Beane originally tried to flip Desme for two rabbinical students and an overweight Buddhist catcher to be named later, but the deals fell through.
Billy Beane...
Watch“Sweet River” Baines: The first black Harlem Globetrotter.
Sean and Julien Discuss the All-White Basketball...
Sean: "fundamentals" is such a racist code word
Julien: it really is
Julien: by the end of this interview Moose is way out of breath
Sean: haha
Sean: sounds like Moose identifies with Obama
Julien: i don't think he understands what racism is
Sean: if any NBA player were to jump to this league
Sean: my money would be on Spencer Hawes
Julien: you also can't have tattoos
Julien: so no birdman or white chocolate
Julien: he wants to have a white all star vs black all star game called "Snowball vs. Bro Ball"
Sean: isn't that what the first round of the ncaa tournament is for?
Bomai Jones talks to the commissioner of the new... →
Bomani Jones: How in the world is it not racist if you don’t allow anybody to play but white Americans? It’s segregated. Moose Lewis: It’s the same as a private club. Jones: But that would be segregated also. Lewis: The league is not segregated because we allow ownership of anyone, no matter what their color is. Jones: But you won’t let anybody play but white people. If...
Golden State Warriors : Ellis sprains other ankle →
nbaoffseason:
Golden State’s Iron Man: Monta Ellis will miss tonight’s game against the Suns due to a sprained right ankle.
Bummer party, especially if you have on your fantasy team like I do. (insert Snooki-esque whan cry)
How surprising that playing Monta Ellis every minute of every game had some adverse consequences. This happened in the 2007 Utah series, too: Don Nelson simply...
“He is a life support system for a hairdo. It ain’t sweat on his brow....”
– Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, on Mark Sanchez
Freddy Sanchez might miss Giants' opener (Mercury... →
(via sfgiantsbay)
With two surgeries so far, and nagging problems already with both his knee and his shoulder, it’s quite possible that Sanchez will be injured for the entirety of his two-and-a-half years with the Giants.
