Congratulations to Justin Morneau, who today became the second Canadian-born batting champion in baseball history. Morneau hit .319 this year for the Rockies, which is .159 Celsius,
Rockies manager Walt Weiss got criticism for holding Morneau out of his last two games to preserve the title, but it matches with Canada’s proud tradition of polite neutrality. Plus, with Morneau’s history of concussions, playing away from Canada’s safety net of socialized health care, it was too big of a risk.
Morneau plans to celebrate with a Molson’s and a large stack of flapjacks, covered in maple syrup, and then send hand-written thank you notes to every pitcher he faced in 2014. Because he’s just that damn polite.